Myrtle, the Obnoxious Ghost Roommate: The Christmas Movie
Plus, I didn’t have to finish the Hallmark movie
It was early November, and the Hallmark Channel was in full sappy Christmas romance movie mode. Why did I know this? Because Melissa loves sappy Christmas romance movies on the Hallmark Channel.
“I have to get my fix before they’re gone,” was Melissa’s answer to my very reasonable question about why we need to watch those movies instead of something good.
“They run them for like two months straight,” I replied. “And they’re all pretty much the same.”
That was not the right thing to say.
“It’s my tradition, and if you don’t want to watch,” she started, “I’ll go home and watch them.”
Those were the magic words to make me watch sappy Christmas romance movies.
Myrtle was also not happy with Melissa’s choice of entertainment. But instead of taking it out on her, Myrtle tries to annoy me.
Melissa and I were thirty minutes into a movie about a big city girl who is mysteriously coaxed to visit a charming small town at Christmas, when the TV cuts to one of the sex tapes that Melissa and I made.
“Is Myrtle doing this?” Melissa asks.
“Yeah, she must not like your choice of movie,” I replied. “This one time, when I was trying to watch Game of Thrones –“
“You want me to follow along with the video?” Melissa asked while she unbuttoned my shirt.
I started to feel like Myrtle was on my side for once.
Just as Melissa started to recreate “The Chairman” part of the video, the screen switches to another video. An older one starring me and my ex, Suzanne. Melissa stops cold.
Melissa stares at the video. Her ass starts to lift off of me. But then it slams back down and keeps pumping until she’s screaming. She never said a word, and she never took her eyes off the video.
“There’s plenty more of those, baby,” I whispered into her ear.
Score that as a win for me, Myrtle.